Are you someone who genuinely loves and enjoys reading self-help books and listening to inspiring podcasts? Are you inspired to change your life by improving your mindset, working on your personal development and practicing self-love?
At the same time, do you find yourself reading one book after another and getting inspired but not having actionable steps you can take every day to implement the practices from the self-help books?
If you answered yes to all of the above, you’re in the right place. Coaching yourself is a 20 minute exercise that helps you implement the self-help practices and see results in your every day, life.
Every single self-help book out has this exercise as the basis for their book. They teach it in different ways and include their experiences to help you understand it better and inspire you and this method will help you implement it.
The self-coaching model a.k.a the coaching exercise was created by master life coach and instructor Brooke Castillo.
Get yourself a good old cup of tea or pour yourself a glass of wine, maybe get a notebook if you like taking notes, and read along as we dive into the first and the most amazing tool you’ll use in your self-love and growth journey.
Simply put, the model has 5 elements: thoughts, feelings, actions, results, and circumstances, and the model says:
All your circumstances are neutral
Your thoughts create your feelings
Your feelings drive your actions
Your actions create your results
Feeling a little confused, lovebug? Don’t worry we’re going to break it down step by step and you are going to walk away with actionable steps you can take everyday to implement this in your life in just 20 minutes a day.
The model isn’t spiritual. It is based on the laws of the universe, the facts, and based on an understanding of the human brain. This is why it works. It is more than just the law of attraction.
Let’s take a look at each of the elements before learning how you can use the model in your life.
Circumstances are facts.Facts that you can prove in the court of law.
1. I weigh 100 pounds.
2. My laptop is broken
3. I make $3000 a month
4. I failed a test.
5. I had 4 slices of pizza for dinner.
See? You can prove each of the above sentences.
All of the above sentences are circumstances. They are boring and bland by themselves. They are just plain old facts.
Circumstances are outside of your control. What someone else says or does is a circumstance for you. Episodes and events from your past are also circumstances.
All of these circumstances are bland and neutral. They become good or bad based on our thoughts about them and the meaning we give them.
Thoughts are sentences in your head.
They are not facts.
Every single person in your life could agree with a thought you have and that still doesn’t make it a fact; it remains a thought.
Thoughts are where the majority of the work is because this is what flows down into the other elements of your model, ultimately giving you the results that you get.
The average human brain has 60,000 every single day. That’s 60,000 lovebug!
We have thought when someone says something or does something or about any circumstances in our lives.
The funny thing is that the majority of these thoughts are unintentional! This means that instead of consciously choosing how to think, our brain defaults to the old thinking pattern and highlights the same thoughts over and over again.
If you met someone you found annoying back in high-school today, the first thought your brain would produce is “ugh, he/she is so annoying”, even though you probably haven’t seen them in over 5 years!
If you don’t choose your thoughts intentionally and get rid of the thoughts that don’t serve you, your brain will think for you!
When you don’t intentionally pick your thoughts, your brain repeats the thoughts you’ve had in the past and guiding you the same way it always has and nothing will change.
This is why so many people repeat their past and continue to live the same lives.
Thoughts when repeated, turn into your beliefs. Someone who develops a belief that they are a failure will find evidence of so in each mistake made and label any success they create as luck.
This is why it is so important to choose your thoughts.
Being aware of this is amazing because you 100% have the power to choose your own thoughts about a circumstance.
So the next time, you receive your pay-check or your mother says something, notice the first thought you have. This is your brain’s default thought. Choose if you want to continue thinking that and if not, choose a new thought and practice thinking that.
An example: Say 2 people who weigh 200 pounds and 150 pounds respectively decide to lose weight in a year. At the end of the year, both of them get on the scale and weigh 140 pounds.
The person who lost 60 pounds feels amazing and thinks ‘Oh my gosh, I’m amazing!! I weigh 140 pounds’, whereas the person who lost 10 pounds think ‘Oh, I failed because I only lost 10 pounds’. You see the circumstance for both of them is the same i.e. weighing 140 pounds. But they feel and think differently about it.
Another example: Two people who both make $10,000 from their online business can have very different thoughts.
The circumstance for both of them is “I made $10,000 from my online business”. However, one can think “Oh my gosh, I’m so amazing, I made$10,000!” while the other thinks “Oh I failed miserably, I only made $10,000”.
The self-coaching model allows you to rewire your mindset and train your brain to think intentionally so that you can be your highest and best self, and feel amazing.
Feelings are the vibrations you feel in your body as a result of your thoughts and can be described in one word.
In the above example of making $10,000; the first person may be feeling ecstatic while the second feels disappointment.
When you truly understand that it is your thoughts and your thoughts alone that cause your feelings, you get all your power back.
You realize that no one else can make you feel a certain way, only you can.
This doesn’t mean that you’re going to be happy all the time. That’s a terrible idea because without experiencing sadness or heartbreak or disappointment, how would you know what happy, excited, content, amazing, or inspired feels like?
This only means that you can allow yourself to feel upset or heartbroken because a relationship ended.
You choose to let yourself feel that way knowing that you have the power to change how you feel by changing your thoughts.
It is easier to believe that someone else makes you feel a certain way, but that’s never true.
Isn’t that great new though? Why would you want someone else to have the power to make you feel? Only you have that power, only your thoughts have that power.
Coaching yourself and doing the work allows you to take ownership of your own feelings and keep that power.
It is important to identify how you feel, acknowledge it, and be able to experience the vibration in your body knowing that you can change how you want to feel anytime you want.
The self-coaching model allows you to do just that instead of buffering away your feelings by overeating or drinking to avoid pain and discomfort. It offers to you the right feeling to fuel your actions.
Actions are what you do or don’t do.Your actions always create your results.
If your actions align with and are fueled by the right feelings, you will create the results you want. If not, you’re going to be confused and not see any real results.
The mistake most people make is that when something doesn’t work out, they change the actions that they take without changing their thoughts.
If someone who is struggling to lose weight constantly tries new diets and workouts but thinks that it’s impossible for them to lose a certain amount of weight, they aren’t going to lose that weight!
If someone who wants to find love goes on dates and meets new people but constantly thinks that they are unlovable and not capable of handling a relationship, the relationship won’t last long.
On the other hand when you think thoughts that serve you and feel inspired, motivated, excited, and fuel your actions with positive emotions, you will always achieve your goal.
The self-coaching model allows you to create your own results by ensuring that your feelings align with your actions.
Results are the outcome of your actions. They are always caused by your thoughts, not your circumstances.
Every single result you’ve had in your life, you have created via your thoughts.
Yes, terrible things may have happened to you in the past or when you were a child. This does not mean that you created that. This means that you have the power to decide what you want to make it mean right now in your life and how much control do you want your past to have over your present and future.
The amazing news is that if you want to create new and different results in your life, you can do so by starting to think about new and different thoughts.
HOW YOU CAN USE THE MODEL IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Do it at the same time every morning in a place that is quiet and peaceful for you:
Do it with your morning cup of coffee or do it right when you wake up. Just like we clean our house every few days to keep everything organized,it is essential that you do so for your mind every day to see the results you want.
2. Start with a brain dump:
Set a timer for 10 minutes and write down everything that is on your mind that morning. Just let your thoughts flow and let it all out on paper for 10 minutes. Allow it to be messy, allow it to be full of spelling mistakes, it’s alright. Allow it to flow.
3. Write down the abbreviations of the elements of the model vertically as follows:
4. Pick any one thought from your brain dump and put it in your T line (thought line):
There is no right or wrong thought here. You can pick any thought you want to coach yourself on or that calls to you the most.
5. Write down the circumstance that caused the thought before filling in the rest of the model:
The more specific the circumstance is, the better the model works.
Things to remember:
1. Don’t judge or be hard on yourself. The purpose of the model is for you to be an observer of your thoughts. Be curious and be kind to yourself.
2. You can coach yourself multiple times throughout the day when you face a specific problem that you want to solve.
3. Don’t confuse your thoughts for facts.
4. Your F line should contain the strongest emotion you feel when you think the thought.
5. Don’t rush to fix the model or jump to the new one. When you coach yourself the right way, you gently choose to loosen the thought and incrementally change it from negative to neutral and neutral to positive.If you choose to jump models, you won’t see results because you don’t believe your own thoughts.
For e.g: If your current thought is “I can never lose more than 20 pounds”, be curious. Ask yourself why you think that way. Gently loosen that thought and think a more neutral thought like “Maybe I can lose 20 pounds if I try something different like incorporating a diet in addition to working out”. Jumping from your old thought to “I can lose 100 pounds” won’t work because you won’t believe it yourself.
That is the amazing, self-coaching tool for you, love bug! 🙂
This model allows you to be an observer of your thoughts and become more aware of how they affect the results in your life. It offers you back the power that was always yours: the power to choose your own thoughts, to choose how you want to feel, to choose whether or not you want to take action, and the power to create your own results.
This may be hard at first especially if you’ve never done any mindset work before. And that’s absolutely okay. You can do hard things. You are worth it, my friend!
This 20-minute self-coaching is the ultimate form of self-care. Make this a part of your routine and blow your own mind.
As always, if you have any questions, messages, stories, concerns or want to just say hi! you can reach out to me at email@example.com or in the comments below. I love hearing from you and will always respond to you personally! 🙂