I’m so happy that you’ve decided to embark on this journey to build and live your dream life. This is going to be amazing and I really hope that you achieve everything you’ve set your mind to.
Today, we’re going to talk about coaching yourself. I’m going to walk you through the self-coaching model, which is the most amazing tool that Brooke Castillo (master life coach) came up with and how you can use it in your daily life.
Get yourself a good old cup of tea or pour yourself a glass of wine, maybe get a notebook if you like taking notes, and read along as we dive into the first and the most amazing tool you’ll use in your self-love and growth journey.
First, why do you need to self-coach? I love the analogy, my life coach Natalie Bacon uses:
Imagine having a really messy house. You have the option to leave it messy and just as it is. That is totally available to you. But how does a messy house make you feel? What do you do when things just keep piling up or when you can no longer see your floor? Sure, you can clean because having a clean house is deemed appropriate or someone wants you to but contrast that to you cleaning and organizing your house because you like having a clean house. That’s all, you do it because you like it, no other reason.
Now think of your brain this way. The average human brain has 60,000 thoughts every day. 60,000. And the majority of these thoughts are completely unintentional.
If you don’t intentionally choose your thoughts and remove the ones that weigh you down or affect you negatively, your mind is going to get messy.
The good news is that you 100% have the power to choose your thoughts. This is such an amazing concept that so many people aren’t yet aware of and when you start doing this, you will blow your own mind.
Self-coaching allows you to clean up the mess and overwhelm and blow your own freaking mind.
So how does it work? The self-coaching model has 5 elements: Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, Results.
The model isn’t spiritual. It is based on the laws of the universe, the facts, and based on an understanding of the human brain. This is why it works. It is more than just the law of attraction.
The basic premise of the model is that your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results.
Let’s take a look at each of the elements before learning how you can use the model in your life.
Circumstances are facts.They are bland by themselves and have no story behind them until you give them one.
I weigh 100 pounds.
I have an online business.
I made $10,000 a month.
I failed a test.
I had 4 slices of pizza for dinner.
See? You can prove that each of these happened.
Circumstances are facts that you can prove in a court of law.
Episodes and events of your past are your circumstances. What someone else said or did is a circumstance.
Each and every circumstance in your life is neutral. They become good or bad based on the thoughts you have about them.
Thoughts are sentences in your head.
They are not facts; you cannot prove them in a court of law.
Every single person in your life could agree with a thought you have and that still doesn’t make it a fact; it remains a thought.
Thoughts are where the majority of the work is because this is what flows down into the other elements of your model, ultimately giving you the results that you get.
Think of your brain as a computer. All the tabs your browse, all the information you consume, and all the thoughts you have guide the actions you take. However, these thoughts won’t stop happening when you close the tabs. They keep running in the background and guiding you, ultimately creating results that you have.
This is why it is so important to choose your thoughts.
When you don’t intentionally pick your thoughts, your brain repeats the thoughts you’ve had in the past and guiding you the same way it always has and nothing will change.
This is why so many people repeat their past and continue to live the same lives.
Thoughts when repeated, turn into your beliefs.Someone who develops a belief that they are a failure will find evidence of so in each mistake made and label any success they create as luck.
Being aware of this is amazing because you 100% have the power to choose your own thoughts about a circumstance.
An example: Let’s say someone weighs 200 pounds and someone else weighs 150 pounds and both are trying to lose weight in a year. At the end of the year, they both get on the scale and both weigh 150 pounds.
The circumstance for both of them is “I weigh 150 pounds”. However, both of them are going to have very different thoughts and are going to feel differently about the neutral circumstance i.e. weighing 150 pounds.
Another example: Two people who both make $10,000 from their online business can have very different thoughts.
The circumstance for both of them is “I made $10,000 from my online business”. However, one can think “Oh my gosh, I’m so amazing, I made$10,000!” while the other thinks “Oh I failed miserably, I only made $10,000”.
The self-coaching model allows you to rewire your mindset and train your brain to think intentionally so that you can be your highest and best self, and feel amazing.
Feelings are the vibrations you feel in your body as a result of your thoughts and can be described in one word.
In the above example of making $10,000; the first person may be feeling ecstatic while the second feels disappointment.
When you truly understand that it is your thoughts and your thoughts alone that cause your feelings, you get all your power back.
You realize that no one else can make you feel a certain way, only you can.
This doesn’t mean that you’re going to be happy all the time. That’s a terrible idea because without experiencing sadness or heartbroken or disappointed, how would you know what happy feels like?
This only means that you can allow yourself to feel upset when someone passes away or heartbroken because a relationship ended. You choose to let yourself feel that way knowing that you have the power to change how you feel by changing your thoughts.
It is easier to believe that someone else makes you feel a certain way, but that’s never true.
Isn’t that great new though? Why would you want someone else to have the power to make you feel? Only you have that power, only your thoughts have that power.
Coaching yourself and doing the work allows you to take ownership of your own feelings and keep that power.
It is also important to not confuse thoughts and feelings. People will often say “I think I’m frustrated because my boss has given me a deadline and I can never submit my work in such a short period”. That’s incorrect.
The circumstance here is: Boss has given a deadline of 3 days.
Thought: It’s too soon and I can’t finish my work till then.
It is important to identify how you feel, acknowledge it, and be able to experience the vibration in your body knowing that you can change how you want to feel anytime you want.
The self-coaching model allows you to do just that instead of buffering away your feelings by overeating or drinking to avoid pain and discomfort. It offers to you the right feeling to fuel your actions.
Actions are what you do or don’t do.Your actions always create your results.
If your actions align with and are fueled by the right feelings, you will create the results you want. If not, you’re going to be confused and not see any real results.
Let’s take the example of losing weight by working out.
C: I lost 20 pounds this year and my goal was to lose 50 pounds.
T: Working out makes no difference. It is almost impossible for me to lose 30 more pounds.
A: Either give up or continue working out the same way as in the past.
R: Still haven’t lost the remaining 30 pounds.
Contrast this with:
C: I lost 20 pounds this year and my goal was to lose 50 pounds.
T: Maybe I also need to incorporate a better diet and change my workout routine.
F: Inspired, Excited.
A: Start a diet plan and get a fitness coach.
R: See better results and lose more weight.
You see how different the results are in the models even though the circumstances are the same? This is because of the thoughts and feelings fueling the actions.
Most people make the mistake of jumping to the second model by changing their actions while their thoughts and feelings are still the same.
If the person, in the above example, takes different actions but continue to believe that they can never lose more than 20 pounds, they aren’t going to lose more than 20 pounds.
The self-coaching model allows you to create your own results by ensuring that your feelings align with your actions.
Results are the outcome of your actions. They are always caused by your thoughts, not your circumstances.
Every single result you’ve had in your life, you have created via your thoughts.
Yes, terrible things may have happened to you in the past or when you were a child. This does not mean that you created that. This means that you have the power to decide what you want to make it mean right now in your life and how much control do you want your past to have over your present and future.
The amazing news is that if you want to create new and different results in your life, you can do so by starting to think about new and different thoughts.
Those are the 5 elements of the self-coaching (CTFAR) model. Amazeballs, right?!
HOW YOU CAN USE THE MODEL IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Do it at the same time every morning in a place that is quiet and peaceful for you:
Do it with your morning cup of coffee or do it right when you wake up. Just like we clean our house every few days to keep everything organized,it is essential that you do so for your mind every day to see the results you want.
2. Start with a brain dump:
Set a timer for 10 minutes and write down everything that is on your mind that morning. Just let your thoughts flow and let it all out on paper for 10 minutes. Allow it to be messy, allow it to be full of spelling mistakes, it’s alright. Allow it to flow.
3. Write down the abbreviations of the elements of the model vertically as follows:
4. Pick any one thought from your brain dump and put it in your T line (thought line):
There is no right or wrong thought here. You can pick any thought you want to coach yourself on or that calls to you the most.
5. Write down the circumstance that caused the thought before filling in the rest of the model:
The more specific the circumstance is, the better the model works.
Things to remember:
1. Don’t judge or be hard on yourself. The purpose of the model is for you to be an observer of your thoughts. Be curious and be kind to yourself.
2. You can coach yourself multiple times throughout the day when you face a specific problem that you want to solve.
3. Don’t confuse your thoughts for circumstances.
4. Your F line should contain the strongest emotion you feel when you think the thought.
5. Don’t rush to fix the model or jump to the new one. When you coach yourself the right way, you gently choose to loosen the thought and incrementally change it from negative to neutral and neutral to positive. If you choose to jump models, you won’t see results because you don’t believe your own thoughts.
For eg: If your current thought is “I can never lose more than 20 pounds”, be curious. Ask yourself why you think that way. Gently loosen that thought and think a more neutral thought like “Maybe I can lose 20 pounds if I try something different like incorporating a diet in addition to working out”. Jumping from your old thought to “I can lose 100 pounds” won’t work because you won’t believe it yourself.
That is the amazing, self-coaching tool for you.
This model allows you to be an observer of your thoughts and become more aware of how they affect the results in your life. It offers you back the power that was always yours: the power to choose your own thoughts, to choose how you want to feel, to choose whether or not you want to take action, and the power to create your own results.
This will be hard at first especially if you’ve never done any mindset work before. And that’s absolutely okay. You can do hard things. You are worth it.
This 20-minute self-coaching is the ultimate form of self-care. Do this every morning and blow your own mind.